Broken Dreams

My life has never really been happy. I do not know if I just will not allow it to be or if it is something that happened to me as a child and I have blocked out the memory because it was a violent act that I have just let my life keep going because of always having a defense mechagnism. I have had so many “BROKEN DREAMS!” that have made me emotionally ill. My wings have been tattered and torn so many times that I feel as if I put a blindfold over my eyes just to not feel the pain inside. Did you ever have a broken heart, one that has debilitated you where you could not function  and breath and let week, months or years go by that when you finally could have felt any kind of happiness you did not know any better to tell yourself that it was ok to feel the way you were feeling  and it was not because of you and move on? Memories are either good or bad. Did you ever wonder why you always remember the bad more than the good sometimes? Did you ever get help psychologically by a professional to try to understand it? I did for many years and still am and I still can  not get to the point in my life at the age of 49 as to why I just can not move on in life and let things go to be happy. That is why I have had so many bad relationships with abusive people in my life. Why do I keep finding the wrong person? Why do I keep letting myself down? Do you? If you answered yes, can you tell me why?


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